i have chosen this road, this path

looking back, i’ve travel this road long enough.

its been a very long, busy but lonely road. it was like rains has accompany me all the way, leaving so little visibility and creates higher possibility to slips away. well, in fact, i’ve slipped way too many times and now, i am becoming so much fragile.

december come again. it means year is about to end, and there will be a new chapter of life waiting in the next line. 27 years and counting, i am shivering..

i have chosen this road, this path.

life is life, there were no other words to replace it.

if.. i could have a chance, i would be more than happy to re-take the past 10 years in my life, and change it all over again.

but again, i have chosen this road, this path..

each and every one of us have a very different, unique stories. everyone is special in its own ways, and for that, i am thankful to Allah.

but again, i missed too many boats,

i missed too many path..

i shall not be here, today, doing what i am doing now.

but again, i have chosen this road, this path..

 

may he rest in peace

its been more than a month now. he is gone, but i can’t help myself from thinking of him. i keep on telling myself that he is still around, with the fact that he is away in Lumut, or Labuan.

i miss him. he used to tell me how he loves his life in Sheffield, and how he encourage me to accept the offer to Buckingham, so that he can come visit me often. i miss him calling me for lunch, and how he craving for the Tony Romas. i miss him. i miss him calling me on the weekends nights, middle of the night, out of nowhere and wanted to fetch me for coffee or drugs. hahaha.. above it all, i miss him. i just miss him so badly!

i miss the way he talk. when he talk, he talks in a fast pace. very fast! and the way he always have his earphone to keep the music playing, and the way he loves his shades. he walk fast, and he always sweat. oh, how i miss him!

i can’t help myself from google his name. to find all his pictures and stories or pages. i keep on digging my albums to find his pictures. i keep on looking at messages he sent me, emails and others. i miss him, dearly, so badly..

new year is just around the corner.. i am so regret that last year’s celebration i turned him down. and now, i keep on sending him long text to his email and facebook inbox, although i knew he will never read, not to mention reply.

i hope you are well up there.

al-fatehah

he did it his way..

its been a long since the last time i wrote in here.

i guess i was a bit disappointed with too many things, leaving myself angry to almost everything, and trying hard to be ignorance on most things.

this time i dedicate this post for someone who dearly to me – Adlan Ahmed Hilmi a.k.a Ad. He was one of the people i hold dear close to my heart and my mind, for the great relationship and friendship that we had. He is one of a kind, for he is not an ordinary person i can meet everyday. i love him as my friend and my brother, for who he really were.

i remember the very last day we spent together was a day before his soul went back to that eternity place. We had lunch, we had long chat and we care for each other, it was crystal clear. And the day he went off, that morning; i dreamt of him. He was looking at me in silence, and he smiled. i guess he knew that eventually he’ll be going to the better place he always wished.

it wasn’t easy. i just got the news 20 days after he left. i can’t believe it, and my head still can’t registered his absence in this world.

ad i knew was a great gentleman. he always have his point of viewing everything, in his special own ways.

i always heard he complaining about his life and how he hated it when he have it all. successful in career and life; yet he disappointed. and i remember i used to told him that we are all have equal chances and opportunities to be what we wanna be. and he wanna die young, because to him; good people die young. i guess he is right.

i miss him. i really miss him. and everytime i miss him, i cry. again and again.

but i guess he will be at the place where he will be happier.

Rest In Peace, Adlan Ahmed Hilmi (13 June 1975 – 14 November 2011)

i miss you.

regards, your guardian angel.

al-fatehah

May your soul rest in peace. InsyaAllah. Amen.

three years passed me by..

its too good to be true.

i cant sleep nor eat. mind keep on thinking.

 what if i got it? what if i don’t?

 three years.. three damn years been played by the fate.

insyaAllah, i’ll hold to my faith; and redha. 

amen.

My Way – Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
My friends, I’ll say it clear;
I’ll state my case of which I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life that’s full –
I’ve travelled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets? I’ve had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course –
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way. 

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
I’ve had my fill – my share of losing.
But now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that,
And may I say, not in a shy way –
Oh no. Oh no, not me.
I did it my way.

For what is a man? What has he got?
If not himself – Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way.

Yes, it was my way.

its been a long silence

Its been a very long silence. Many things happen, and I am still here, surviving to adapt every changes.

CNY’s dive

i was supposed to go to tioman. we called off the trip very last minutes, and we decided to go straight to perhentian after a confirmation from wan (moonlight) that coral bay (perhentian kecil – the back side of long beach) has started open.

pharra, adda, mua garfield and myself, four of us, in a car. we stayed two nights in senja bay and another night in sha-ri-la. mua garfield completed his open water; we made new friends from steffen dive centre and we had fun.

pharra (my best-ever-buddy) and myself; we had two dives, at KK and Romantic Beach. visibility was bad, but at least we had our refreshing of the skills and we’ve got to test our new gear. i had my first stage burst on the second dive on the surface, and hell, i tried hard to calm. good experiences – the zero visibility and the first stage burst.

cant wait for the next dive.

yaya completely moved out saturday. i moved in to the front room.

starting working today after one whole week off, a bit lazy. didier – mua french boss called me twice today, asking me to get some info as soon as possible. am going back to work now. will write later.

gong xi fa chai! may the year of rabbit brings me happiness!

with our dive master - slvyester

he is ready for his first back-flip!

before jump in!

us. the last day with the steffen dive staff!

home alone

i am now home alone. yaya is going to move out, as she got herself a new job in port dickson. i guess i am supposed to have a new mate now.

tomorrow is 28th january, mama and papa’s 38th anniversary being husband and wife. i am going home tomorrow, spending some time with them, the most loveable creatures in my world.

**i love you both so much! thanks for being my perfect parents; thanks for bring me to this beautiful world!**

i am going up to tioman next week, for the chinese new year. second dive; and i can’t wait to try on my new gear – booties, fins and mask. this diving thingy is really gets me crazy!

i am now in a relationship with a new guy. it is way too early to mention tho, i have no idea at all how far this relationship gonna take me, but i just dont wanna think about it. i guess i am too tired to hope, and to dreams. where ever its gonna take us, i’ll just follow.

work is good. life is okay.

ad is disappearing. i guess he still mad at me. i did nothing wrong, he’s just a bit weird. he’s always do. and am kinda miss him.

hmmm.. i dont know what to blog now. i really dont know!

till the sky falls down by dash berlin

It’s been so long since i have touched you
I can’t remember how it feels
To have you loving arms around me
This is the pain i’ve never healed

All my live i have been searching
For someone honest just like you
You left me here without a reason
Every tear belongs to you

I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Till you come around, baby
I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Let the rain clouds come

I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Till you come around, baby

All i need is one good answer
To understand why you were gone
Everything reminds me of you
Without you i can’t go on

I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Till you come around, baby
I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Let the rain clouds come

I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Let the rain clouds come

I’ll be waiting till the sky falls down
Tïll you come around, baby

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